How It Transpired
This is one of the first performance poems I ever wrote. It was an icebreaker for me in the sense that I was in a place where I didn't know anyone, and without any drugs in my system; I was both sick and shy. Poetry and Spoken Word were always a gateway to expression for me while in rehabs, and I wrote this piece as a bit of a background story to keep fresh the events that led up to my latest stint. I suppose this could be categorized as slam poetry about life in that it recounts an excerpt of my own.
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Listen up!
My brother, my sisters,
I LOVE HEROIN,
Like wives love their misters.
Never learned,
Any other direction,
Or got the chance,
To understand affection.
Negativity was lurking,
My whole life long,
No father figure,
Showing me how to be strong.
Alone on my own,
Since the age of fifteen,
Thought a bundle in an alley,
Was the real American Dream.
Lost, cold, and alone,
Crumbling my own universe,
Nights in parks and subway cars,
Dying of thirst.
Eighteen years old,
Realized this ain't how to live life,
Did some detox and a TC,
To get out of trife.
Got a little job,
Place in Queens and a car,
Thought it was over,
But not by far.
Back to the club scene,
Caught a little click,
So what if they all get high,
I'm the sober DJ Picks.
Never thought about,
How long I might last,
And suddenly sobriety,
Was part of my past.
But I was OK, right?
Just acid, weed, and dust,
Didn't catch a chipee,
The bag wasn't a must.
Of course I gave in,
Soon as the dope came 'round,
Went from zero to a hundred,
At the speed of sound.
This time of course,
My habit got worse,
Living out war stories,
That put people in a hearse.
Tried to street detox,
Methadone and suboxone,
But then got introduced,
To something called Oxycontin.
Moved down to Florida,
Cuz I thought I should run,
Figured I'd be OK,
With some fun in the sun.
But geographic migration,
Can't get rid on my sick,
Cuz the devil's always lurking,
Playing evil tricks.
Thought I had control,
Bartending for cash,
But two grand a week,
Still couldn't last.
Put aside the bills,
House got foreclosed,
Had a sweet ride,
Then it got repoed.
Now I was reduced,
To living in a basement,
Lying to everyone,
About the dragon I was chasing.
So back to New York,
Maybe I just miss home,
But even at my crowded bar,
The dope had me alone.
Stealing from customers,
Man I had the scam,
Walking out each night,
With upwards of a grand.
Of course I got caught,
The gig was up,
Thrown out of my job,
I was straight up stuck.
So I took another look,
At where I was and where I'd been,
Decided I'm unmanageable,
My whole life is a sin.
Put myself in rehab,
A volunteer with a dream,
30 years old,
And the desire to stay clean.
My brother, my sisters,
I LOVE HEROIN,
Like wives love their misters.
Never learned,
Any other direction,
Or got the chance,
To understand affection.
Negativity was lurking,
My whole life long,
No father figure,
Showing me how to be strong.
Alone on my own,
Since the age of fifteen,
Thought a bundle in an alley,
Was the real American Dream.
Lost, cold, and alone,
Crumbling my own universe,
Nights in parks and subway cars,
Dying of thirst.
Eighteen years old,
Realized this ain't how to live life,
Did some detox and a TC,
To get out of trife.
Got a little job,
Place in Queens and a car,
Thought it was over,
But not by far.
Back to the club scene,
Caught a little click,
So what if they all get high,
I'm the sober DJ Picks.
Never thought about,
How long I might last,
And suddenly sobriety,
Was part of my past.
But I was OK, right?
Just acid, weed, and dust,
Didn't catch a chipee,
The bag wasn't a must.
Of course I gave in,
Soon as the dope came 'round,
Went from zero to a hundred,
At the speed of sound.
This time of course,
My habit got worse,
Living out war stories,
That put people in a hearse.
Tried to street detox,
Methadone and suboxone,
But then got introduced,
To something called Oxycontin.
Moved down to Florida,
Cuz I thought I should run,
Figured I'd be OK,
With some fun in the sun.
But geographic migration,
Can't get rid on my sick,
Cuz the devil's always lurking,
Playing evil tricks.
Thought I had control,
Bartending for cash,
But two grand a week,
Still couldn't last.
Put aside the bills,
House got foreclosed,
Had a sweet ride,
Then it got repoed.
Now I was reduced,
To living in a basement,
Lying to everyone,
About the dragon I was chasing.
So back to New York,
Maybe I just miss home,
But even at my crowded bar,
The dope had me alone.
Stealing from customers,
Man I had the scam,
Walking out each night,
With upwards of a grand.
Of course I got caught,
The gig was up,
Thrown out of my job,
I was straight up stuck.
So I took another look,
At where I was and where I'd been,
Decided I'm unmanageable,
My whole life is a sin.
Put myself in rehab,
A volunteer with a dream,
30 years old,
And the desire to stay clean.