Fuck You (Opiate Withdrawal)
The poem below is called "Fuck You". I am writing this poem as I am safely detoxing at home and going through opiate withdrawal. I am coming off a relapse. I was nearly 5 years clean and I slipped.
It escalated quickly - the drugs as well as the lies. I had the help of someone who loves me to death and that's how I am getting through this really hard time. I am on day 4, and starting to almost feel like me; I went through a fast taper and that was actually worse than it is now. Restlessness, sleepless nights, RLS (restless leg syndrome), anxiety - these symptoms of withdrawal are all still here but I am staying strong. If you ever have to detox at home, it's not going to be easy. The way to get through withdrawal is to be mentally tough. There are a million elements that will try to break you and you have to take it all in and spit it back as anger. That is what inspired me to write this poem and call it "Fuck You"... every time I think I am going to break, I put some anger into these words. So if you do decide to recite this or use it, put some anger into it. Grit your teeth, growl a little. Let that fucking withdrawal know you are fighting the fuck back. |
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I'm 37 years old,
Yet I sit in the same chair I sat in at 17.
I did this before,
I beat you before,
And now I'm here to say FUCK YOU again.
So FUCK YOU!
And here's why...
You snuck up on me,
So eloquently,
A deceptive dame in a red feather scarf,
You're twisted form of art,
Leaving me with goosebumps,
Now I'm just glad to be alive,
And I feel your wrath.
So FUCK YOU,
Cuz you got me,
Skin crawling,
Watery eyes,
Can't shake the shakes,
Knuckles crack, sweat breaks,
And all I have to say is FUCK YOU,
FUCK YOU and bring it on,
Bring it on motherfucker,
Cuz I am Jason Statham in Transporter,
I'll take on 20...no, 40 of you,
I will sweat like Cam Newton in the Super Bowl,
But after the sweat I'll be the one parting my shirt,
Showing you who's Superman,
So FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU for taking my sex away,
I love to fuck!
FUCK YOU for taking my wife away,
I love to laugh,
FUCK YOU for taking my kids away,
I will get back
To the day I can play with my babies.
FUCK YOU for trying to take everything,
My love for poetry,
Oceans rolling,
Showing me
Beauty,
I take it in,
But used to feel it,
So FUCK YOU,
For stealing my feeling,
FUCK YOU,
For taking my salvation,
Shaking me up,
Making me live lies like your patient.
FUCK YOU pain,
FUCK YOU sweats,
FUCK YOU dialated eyes,
These wide eyes are on the prize,
And FUCK YOU for these next few days,
But you won't have me for good.
You can bring it,
I know you'll bring it,
But I have too much to follow your path again,
To lose my friends,
To risk my job,
I won't follow you.
I will fight with the wrath of a charging rhino,
The will of a hungry lion,
FUCK YOU,
And I don't even know if that means
Fuck...me.
I am 37.
Not 27 when you had me.
Not 17 when you had me.
I have everything,
I have the life you dream of,
I have a sweet ass truck,
A kick ass job,
An amazing, loving, supporting, caring, outreaching,
Beautiful family,
I have a stupid condo
In this highest taxed town
In America,
I travel,
I hike,
I write,
I write the words FUCK YOU,
And I don't know who I'm saying this to,
I don't know why I want to cry,
I still can't piece together
Exactly how I got to this point,
Beat down,
Completely controlled by a stupid fucking pill,
So I'll say this: FUCK YOU!
With all my will.
I am taking
My zombified body,
To battle,
Oh we're gonna battle,
FUCK YOU motherfucking opiate withdrawal,
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU and bring it on!
You can bring pain,
I'll take it in and spit back flames!
You can bring diarrhea,
But I know it's just the toxins in me,
Running scared, leaving me...
And I even got some Immodium A-D.
See... I can even still laugh in the midst of your wrath.
You can bring sleepless nights,
We will dance till dawn,
Like ravers.
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU OPIATE WITHDRAWAL!
OK....
I think I shook some of that out of me.
The truth is,
Going through withdrawal is terrifying,
But in the end,
You must choose life.
Don't march in the dark army,
It only and always gets worse,
Can't start when he wants to disarm me,
That fucker always deserts,
There's no way to win with opiates,
Eventually,
You have to square off,
So take that cough,
Take those runny eyes,
Take that shaking,
Goosebump covered disguise
You call your body,
To battle,
And if you don't think this is war,
You got another coming for sure.
Here's what I'm doing to win,
I am going to laugh,
And scream with rage,
At everything you throw at me,
Fight for the life that you stole from me,
So fuck you,
I write these lines
To fight to be free,
To let you know,
What you took from me,
I will dream again,
I will get excited again,
I will laugh out loud,
Do dumb dances in the middle of the street
For no reason
And not care who's looking,
I will taste the sweet, salty and succulent,
Bring it to you hostile,
Truculent,
So I can enjoy a sunset again.
I will say fuck you
Because I'm looking at life,
And remembering,
That I already refused to choose
You,
Over all that I have.
Fuck you.
Fuck you,
You won't win,
I won't win,
Because I will win,
My will will win,
The real me,
Will win,
So fuck you, or fuck me, whatever, just
FUCK,
I'll see you in the bathroom,
Bitch.
Let's go to war.
Yet I sit in the same chair I sat in at 17.
I did this before,
I beat you before,
And now I'm here to say FUCK YOU again.
So FUCK YOU!
And here's why...
You snuck up on me,
So eloquently,
A deceptive dame in a red feather scarf,
You're twisted form of art,
Leaving me with goosebumps,
Now I'm just glad to be alive,
And I feel your wrath.
So FUCK YOU,
Cuz you got me,
Skin crawling,
Watery eyes,
Can't shake the shakes,
Knuckles crack, sweat breaks,
And all I have to say is FUCK YOU,
FUCK YOU and bring it on,
Bring it on motherfucker,
Cuz I am Jason Statham in Transporter,
I'll take on 20...no, 40 of you,
I will sweat like Cam Newton in the Super Bowl,
But after the sweat I'll be the one parting my shirt,
Showing you who's Superman,
So FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU for taking my sex away,
I love to fuck!
FUCK YOU for taking my wife away,
I love to laugh,
FUCK YOU for taking my kids away,
I will get back
To the day I can play with my babies.
FUCK YOU for trying to take everything,
My love for poetry,
Oceans rolling,
Showing me
Beauty,
I take it in,
But used to feel it,
So FUCK YOU,
For stealing my feeling,
FUCK YOU,
For taking my salvation,
Shaking me up,
Making me live lies like your patient.
FUCK YOU pain,
FUCK YOU sweats,
FUCK YOU dialated eyes,
These wide eyes are on the prize,
And FUCK YOU for these next few days,
But you won't have me for good.
You can bring it,
I know you'll bring it,
But I have too much to follow your path again,
To lose my friends,
To risk my job,
I won't follow you.
I will fight with the wrath of a charging rhino,
The will of a hungry lion,
FUCK YOU,
And I don't even know if that means
Fuck...me.
I am 37.
Not 27 when you had me.
Not 17 when you had me.
I have everything,
I have the life you dream of,
I have a sweet ass truck,
A kick ass job,
An amazing, loving, supporting, caring, outreaching,
Beautiful family,
I have a stupid condo
In this highest taxed town
In America,
I travel,
I hike,
I write,
I write the words FUCK YOU,
And I don't know who I'm saying this to,
I don't know why I want to cry,
I still can't piece together
Exactly how I got to this point,
Beat down,
Completely controlled by a stupid fucking pill,
So I'll say this: FUCK YOU!
With all my will.
I am taking
My zombified body,
To battle,
Oh we're gonna battle,
FUCK YOU motherfucking opiate withdrawal,
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU and bring it on!
You can bring pain,
I'll take it in and spit back flames!
You can bring diarrhea,
But I know it's just the toxins in me,
Running scared, leaving me...
And I even got some Immodium A-D.
See... I can even still laugh in the midst of your wrath.
You can bring sleepless nights,
We will dance till dawn,
Like ravers.
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU OPIATE WITHDRAWAL!
OK....
I think I shook some of that out of me.
The truth is,
Going through withdrawal is terrifying,
But in the end,
You must choose life.
Don't march in the dark army,
It only and always gets worse,
Can't start when he wants to disarm me,
That fucker always deserts,
There's no way to win with opiates,
Eventually,
You have to square off,
So take that cough,
Take those runny eyes,
Take that shaking,
Goosebump covered disguise
You call your body,
To battle,
And if you don't think this is war,
You got another coming for sure.
Here's what I'm doing to win,
I am going to laugh,
And scream with rage,
At everything you throw at me,
Fight for the life that you stole from me,
So fuck you,
I write these lines
To fight to be free,
To let you know,
What you took from me,
I will dream again,
I will get excited again,
I will laugh out loud,
Do dumb dances in the middle of the street
For no reason
And not care who's looking,
I will taste the sweet, salty and succulent,
Bring it to you hostile,
Truculent,
So I can enjoy a sunset again.
I will say fuck you
Because I'm looking at life,
And remembering,
That I already refused to choose
You,
Over all that I have.
Fuck you.
Fuck you,
You won't win,
I won't win,
Because I will win,
My will will win,
The real me,
Will win,
So fuck you, or fuck me, whatever, just
FUCK,
I'll see you in the bathroom,
Bitch.
Let's go to war.