Dopesick, Pt. 2
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This poem is a prequel to Dopesick. I wrote it when I was kicking heroin and in the midst of a hardcore withdrawal. I was on suboxone at the time - if I wasn't, I would not have been able to pick up the pen. It's always been hard for me to write poems about heroin addiction, shooting heroin and, even worse, withdrawal. The memories bring back some of the pain. Withdrawal is the worst thing ever; if you're addicted - get help, please!!
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Been a while,
Since my last fix,
Getting sick,
Mind playing tricks
Chills settle in,
Body shakes,
Flirting and meddling,
With creeping aches
World so bright,
Squint to the brilliance,
Stomach so tight,
Craving opiate resilience
Slightest breeze,
Can shatter my bones,
Inner freeze,
Burning moans
Hard to breathe,
Sharp pain,
Can't leave,
Facing cold rain
Vision blurry,
Dripping cold sweat,
Gotta hurry,
Last bag ain't sold yet
Legs so weak,
Energy fading,
Hard to speak,
Eyes evading
Pain can be heard,
Screaming from pores,
Lockjaw disturbed,
Victorious no more
Skin is raw,
Dry and crawling,
Picture I draw,
One of me falling
Paralyzed,
No control,
Damaged eyes
Won't let emotion go
Nights of no sleep,
In plain sight,
Gotta get 'right'
Or I lose this fight
Monster attacking,
Enormous, Goliath-an,
Striking and battering,
Deep like leviathan
Black plague and death,
Flow with blood inside me,
That black flag of meth,
Like a flood will guide me
Fighting desperation,
Like an impenetrable enemy,
Reversing my creation
Death inevitable, meant to be
Remnants,
Of this once sober person,
Are pendants,
Of a being the devil is cursing
I've walked the path,
Entered the doorway to deceit,
But "I'd rather pursue death than admit defeat"*
Since my last fix,
Getting sick,
Mind playing tricks
Chills settle in,
Body shakes,
Flirting and meddling,
With creeping aches
World so bright,
Squint to the brilliance,
Stomach so tight,
Craving opiate resilience
Slightest breeze,
Can shatter my bones,
Inner freeze,
Burning moans
Hard to breathe,
Sharp pain,
Can't leave,
Facing cold rain
Vision blurry,
Dripping cold sweat,
Gotta hurry,
Last bag ain't sold yet
Legs so weak,
Energy fading,
Hard to speak,
Eyes evading
Pain can be heard,
Screaming from pores,
Lockjaw disturbed,
Victorious no more
Skin is raw,
Dry and crawling,
Picture I draw,
One of me falling
Paralyzed,
No control,
Damaged eyes
Won't let emotion go
Nights of no sleep,
In plain sight,
Gotta get 'right'
Or I lose this fight
Monster attacking,
Enormous, Goliath-an,
Striking and battering,
Deep like leviathan
Black plague and death,
Flow with blood inside me,
That black flag of meth,
Like a flood will guide me
Fighting desperation,
Like an impenetrable enemy,
Reversing my creation
Death inevitable, meant to be
Remnants,
Of this once sober person,
Are pendants,
Of a being the devil is cursing
I've walked the path,
Entered the doorway to deceit,
But "I'd rather pursue death than admit defeat"*
*that last line is quoted from Masta Killa of the Wu-Tang Clan from the track "Assasination Day". Wu-Tang is my favorite and most influential musical inspiration of all time.