Active
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I live to tell and tell I must.
Active
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Hi,
My name’s _____, And I’m an addict… And like so many others, I’ve watched The smoky hot Breath Of death, Pass me by, Smelled the end Just miss me, For no reason, Demise, Gave grave glares Into my eyes And tried, To turn them hollow Black, I felt the whiplash crack Of fate Slash my back, So deep, I had to sleep, On my stomach... I’ve been lucky. See I was once worlds away From these buckled knees You see on stage, Caged In my own head Behind iron bars of rage Intangible, The roller coaster of my life, Had no track, My pool, Was all tidal waves and deep end, I couldn’t depend On myself To feed myself, Needed a shot to jumpstart my heart And just be myself, A circle I could never break, And matter of fact That roller coaster did have a track, But it was all flat, And just went round and round Like that... I’ve watched so many souls Fall victim to the grips of addiction Hopeless, Fantasizing empty aspirations Like, Climbing a never-ending ladder to nowhere, Like Thinking other people Were building their castles On your low self-esteem, When no one can hurt you Unless you’re hurting yourself, Letting them penetrate your skin, Fill voids with enough poison To go round, The foundation of the devil’s playground, That, Jungle gym of junk I hid in, To smoke my weed in instead of play on, And when for some “game on”, Meant football, Or tag, For me it meant another bag To smokescreen emotion with, A virtual loaded clip Barrel to shaky lips, Medicating pain, Leading to sleeping On A Trains, Hungry, Smelling, Selling my self-esteem like old shirts in thrift shops, I was scared… So this is for those still fighting, Those deciding They are sick of being sick, Living fix to fix On obsolete clouds of bliss, There is hope, There is hope and there is help, But the desire to truly want it, That voice so low, Crying desperately Deep in the pit of your gut For change Must be a raging Inferno, You must be desperate to get this, I’m not fully there yet, And may never be, But I know my destiny Is telling me, That there's a way out, And I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs for this Without being heard, Cried oceans, Hit rubber walls till it hurt, Shaken fists And climbed from the slippery pits Of my own digging, Cuz I was dying, And sometimes, I’m tired, And sometimes, I’m scared, And sometimes, Everything is wrong, Nothing feels good, The light at the end of a clogged tunnel, Is a "No Exit" sign, There's no redemption for my efforts, And skies are falling And eyes are bawling, And I get on my knees to pray but I don’t know how And I find myself crawling, And sometimes, It’s hard, I had to reopen scars I swore I’d never touch, That were buried under mountains of hardened shit But the puss needed to pour, Because revealing, Is healing, And I’m sick… So sick of being crushed, So sick of Wandering deserts with a broken compass I’ve done this Far too long, And I’m sick of the, Insanity, Sick of being told, I cannot be Something, Sick of hurting everyone Who showed me A wink of affection, Word of direction, Or mirror reflection Of myself… I’m sick, And I want change… Thank you for letting me share |
"Sick" is a performance slam poem about what it was like in my active addiction. Its written in the form of me speaking at an NA Meeting, but it basically outlines the painfully and seemingly endless circle an addict goes through on a daily basis. I tried to recount some of the stories and emotions I've felt, so I hope you can relate. When you're a heroin addict, or kicking heroin, life is not easy. For me, poetry was all I had. This is a true pouring of my opinion and emotion. Whenever I look back at "Sick" it's a reality check. In day-to-day life I don't always remember how painful life was as a junkie. I forget about the danger, the pain, the insane daily search that started every sunrise...the life of a dope fiend. The good news about addiction is that there is help available. It comes is many forms and, for most addicts, can be found for free. Sometimes the best way to stay clean is to try to help others do it...hence this website. |
All work on this site is either authored, created and owned by the site owner, or submitted by readers. All rights reserved. If you'd like to use anything, please contact me and use the appropriate attribution. Thanks!
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