"Talking Herself To Sleep"

​Poem by Safiyyah Motaib
​

She takes her bottle of
natural sleeping pills
bought especially to prevent
the temptation to take too many,
for fear of not waking up again 
the very next morning 

She watches television before bed
because music is too painful
but, her thoughts are too loud
and, the volume on her computer
won't go any higher
so she slams it shut and takes another one

Talking herself to sleep until
she needs a cup of water 
for her dry mouth and cracked lips
to match her tearing heart
of which she's wrapped in
ice cold bandages trying to hold it together

She writes what she can't say because
speaking is too easy to misunderstand
and, she might slip up and sneak a peak
into parts of her mind, too scary for some
so she soaks it all up and
squeezes whats left into black ink on
pretty pages

She spits sounds into noises like venom
from a snake meaning to be harmless
but, she can't help her broken soul
turning everything dark 
not even realizing
she's gotten so used to it she enjoys it

Talking herself to sleep until
she needs a cup of water 
for her dry mouth and cracked lips
to match her tearing heart
of which she's wrapped in
ice cold bandages trying to hold it together

All she wants is to be left alone,
to make mistakes only she can account for;
she chits and chats with those who know her,
but not everybody knows her unless she's simplified,
so she hides behind comforting lies that make
those who love her smile while she dies on the inside 

​Note from Digital Poet:

This poem tells a sick story! Safiyyah - kudos on being able to really put the reader in the shoes of the subject.

When I read this, I feel like this is an actual time in my life. Like I was the one who contemplated these thoughts, fought with these dark tendencies, was confused, ridiculed by higher powers.

She also writes why I write poetry​. "speaking is too easy to misunderstand" this is sooooo true - when you write, you get to think about your words; replace them with the right ones.

Then the ending. I can translate this to my life in so many ways...I hope you draw your own conclusions as well.

I hope you like the poem; if you do, please show some love below.