"Emerge"

A rhyming verse poem about heroin addiction and recovery

I can’t change 
What I've done in the past,
How I've built weak walls 
And let them crash,
But now the face of insecurity
I once displayed,
Melts with reality
As a man is portrayed.

In this new clarity
I comprehend my self damage,
I see that through pain,
I’ve gained an advantage,
I’ve been face to face with death
Like most will never see,
The trials I’ve survived
Empower and strengthen me.

I’ve looked through the eyes of men
And seen evil demons,
Flipped the iris to a mirror
So it’s something to believe in,
I realize I’ve been places
No man ever need endure,
And suffer a disease,
Which can be paused but has no cure.

Many have shown me love,
When I turned them to opponents,
Making my whole universe
A drug infested dark enclosement,
And when the heroin handcuffs
Would tighten around my wrists,
I’d walk through forests of fire,
To have another fix.

I’ve tortured myself
Above and beyond humility,
And wished my own mother
Had been born with infertility,
But the spirit inside of me 
Knows self­-defeat must finally end,
I’m trying to be a man, 
Be humble and make amends.

I know the road to recovery
Is like scaling the tallest mountain,
But like the ‘Little Engine Who Could’ 
It will halt my self­-doubting,
I know my final destiny
Hasn’t come knocking for a reason,
And my purpose on this earth
Isn’t only people-­pleasing.

My reflection displays a boy
Who has felt too much,
And emotion overload
Has detached his inner touch,
But if I lose sight of the past,
Then I’m doomed to repeat,
And my body just can’t stand
Being a slab of meat.

Through my tribulations
I’ve been degraded and abused,
Inflicted self-­torture,
And let myself be used,
Now when I look back,
I see how I’d lost control,
Fell victim to my voids,
And entered a black hole.

I spiraled lost with no direction, 
No purpose, aimless,
Dismissed all society,
With acts considered heinous,
And though shame and guilt,
Ice the cake of my heart,
I can finally say
I deserve a fresh start.

There can be no more lonely, 
Cold, and sick nights,
Because small wonders of life
Bring many delights,
A bright aura has replaced
My cloud of damnation,
The void I once had
Is now bubbling inspiration.

I’ve always heard poems about fluffy clouds
And blue skies,
Not to demean them, 
I just keep it real with my demise,
I’m not even a poet, 
Just a survivor with war stories,
Fighting day by day
To regain happiness and glory.

"Emerge" is a poem I wrote to help give me strength. Its honest, and its about how I felt as an opiate addict and how I felt trying to 'emerge' from active addiction. I wrote this rhyming verse poem while I was in a long-term treatment center (rehab). One day I got a visit from my mom and I read it to her. As a 30 year old man getting off a serious opiate habit it was very difficult to convey feelings; I could hardly form sentences a lot of the time. But when I had the pen I was able to slowly scribe what I felt in a manner that was comfortable to me. This poem was apologetic, explanatory, reflective and a million other things. When I read it to her it was waterworks. A number of other residents in the program also chose to use these words as it is very easy to relate to as a dope fiend. 

Other recommended poems based on this one:  ADDICTION  |  DOPESICK PT 2  |  HE  |  THE GOLDEN TICKET

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