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"Search, Pt. 3"

Oh digital marketing,
you've fucked me harder than a handyman
on a brandy plan,
stripped me like bad bolts and
scammed me man,
like cons in candy land,
but i can't hate you,
as hard as i want to,
because though you pegged me to the wall,
you also lined my pockets
like Spacely Space Sprockets
did George Jetson...
though Judy gets Googled more.

Oh digital marketing,
You've fucked me harder than drunken sailors fall
To rough seas,
you are a jigsaw puzzle,
with Googolplex tiny pieces,
puzzling like a paper encyclopedia,
i needed ya
so badly,
yet sadly
you threw more curve balls than Sandy Koufax.
Outside corner with SEO,
Paid search down and tight,
then some chin music with social,
and even with all my might,
i just can't make contact...
please walk me

oh SEO,
You've fucked me harder than Tyson hits,
or bites,
depending on the night.
You are just like the weather,
different every day, 
and even with the best technology,
no one knows how to predict it,
But admittedly I'm addicted,
If you
Are anything like me,
You're in that sitemap everyday,
Like:
I know just how to fix it!
Unfortunately,
Quick fixes turn to black hats in an instant,
Frustration is the only consistent!

Oh SEM,
You've fucked me harder than
free downloads did musicians,
You made me think I had to pay more,
Pay more and more
for ad positions,
but really it was quality score
that lowered cost per acquisition.
Your account reps are good,
but when I called in our own statistician,
I pulled the curtain on your little mission.
Oh SEM,
You had me chasing my tail to burn up budget,
Maximize impressions,
But really I misjudged it,
Negative keywords, a simpler answer,
Sitelinks for real estate,
Conversion enhancer.
Oh PPC,
You are just like a marriage,
I'm forced to give you all my time and attention just to avoid problems!

Oh Mobile everything,
You've fucked me harder than
MP3s Fucked CDs,
harder than porn stars in sports cars
By rich kids with bad report cards,
I don't even know where to put you in the courtyard
Of digital marketing,
You came in so suddenly,
And grew too damn quick,
What are you, fucking special?
Creating new circles, a whole new click?
I think you need a kick,
Right out of our digital landscape,
You shouldn't encroach on what exists,
I don't remember any handshake.
Oh mobile,
If you made a sound,
It would be that gag before my dog vomits,
If you had a smell,
It would be a bag of shit in the fire of a comet,
Mobile, you are a necessary evil,
So, all that said,
I'm on it!

Oh digital marketing,
I love you I hate you I love you I hate you I love you I hate you,
But you give me so much content to publish to my site,
So i can get rankings for bullshit,
In the middle of the night.
Oh digital marketing,
You Are Just Like Sex,
Everyone Thinks They Do It Right!

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Other recommended poems based on this one:  SEARCH PT 1  |  SEARCH PT 2  |  CAMPAIGN CONQUEST

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